i turn 40 this march and its no biggie but is seams to have some importance to the elliptical trainer at planet fitness since it asks me the same question every time i show up. typing in my age and weight daily has triggered some sort of inventory and evaluation of my career, making me contemplate where i am at in life and if career goals have been met.
the machine is also fascinated with my weight which has been maintained right under 200 for the last 10 years. i don't believe that this machine can change its function and behavior by knowing what my weight... and if the machine is that smart, then why can't they put a scale into the design of the machine so it will automatically know that information.
as i feel sorry for myself and bitterly curse the names of DP's who are younger and more successful then me, i destroy what little is left of my hearing to "the replacements" 5 good songs, over and over again. i then look over to my right and see this....
once in awhile, out the corner of my eye, i catch something i shot and find happiness. my rage and pity come to an end and i think, finally someone is watching something i have made without me personally showing it to them. something i have been apart of has a life outside of me, even if it's a panera bread commercial and i only got the job since jody lipes got super sick the day before the tech scout and was contagious. showing up as someones replacements is the best gig ever. the other guy did all the prep and had to respond to countless emails, they get sick and i show up like a hero since i was able to get to the airport in time.
i remember having drinks with a comedian friend of mine years ago and him telling me, "i've realized that success is two junior high schoolers repeating your act to each other in a gym locker room". what i am coming to understand is that success does not necessarily manifest itself in awards and accolades... we all just need to be reminded that someone is actually watching the shit we make.
and does anyone else think its strange that i dont have copies of the stuff i shoot? i buy the movies at a store just like any other sucker. shouldn't someone send me a copy? as for the commercials, i'm usually too embarrassed to ask the producers for a link. i assume they are thinking, why the heck would this guy want a copy of a "tide detergent" commercial.